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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Decision making

I am having a miserable week. Everything seems under my expectation. I dropped my tears twice in a week. What a poor person am I. I feel that I am changing day by day. I change weaker and weaker. I can’t face things positively nowadays. Before I come to university life, I am a very cheerful person. But now, everything is different. I pretend to be strong in front of my parents, siblings, and friends. Sometimes I feel that I am an only body without a soul. My emotion lose control easily. I told myself that ‘Hold your tears, don let it out of your eyes’. But I really can’t. I hate myself much.

Something happens today in my tutorial class. It stills the same topic, about our grouping. The lecturer keep arranged me and my friend to be with group with 2 china students. We refused. But that lecturer keeps saying that we are happy with the grouping before. What the “H” he is?! You are the one who made decision all the way. My sight started to become blur when he read out the grouping list. We don’t wish to be with group with the china girls is because it will be worst that I have no basic with that subject and my friend is not good in analysis. If four of us stay in one group meaning that we are stand just beside the cliff. Everything will be over once we drop into the cliff.

I felt want to give up at that time because the lecturer seems kept not allowed us to change our group members. In my mind, at that moment, I had totally given up. Because once we make any changes, it will be changes in other groups as well. Everyone is just to protect themselves, so I can’t force them to make changes because of me. We still have to think for others situation sometimes.

After I came back from the washroom, the lecturer said he could work it out. He came out with a solution that the two china girls from my group exchange with another two students in my friend’s group. I am struggling in making decision in that time because that my friends also no basic at all. If we shift our group members, the quality of their group will drop. I kept on saying not to change but that lecturer kept saying that ‘I don’t you to have nightmare.’ What? I said I want to make changes before you kept refuse and now I don’t want to change then you asked to change then. Where you come from? From the Mars? Why you can change your mind in only few seconds. I really want to say fxxk you. I can’t make any sense with what is he thinking about.

After discussion, the two china girls changed to my friend’s group and their members came to us. Sigh~ Feel sorry for their group. They take what we rejected.Thank you and sorry, guys! I appreciate what you guys did for us.

We force to make choices once we were born. It’ll be fine if you’re making a right choice, but you will put others in a bad situation once you had made a wrong choice. Nothing is perfect, we have to give up something in order to gain a greater outcome. We might hurt someone close to you, but this is what we should face as we are living in the reality world.

What I wish to? I wish the days after will be great, bright, wonderful and without tears. I wish I can pass for my commerce math worksheet 2 tomorrow. I wish people around me can be strong and fight for their future. I wish bad things can keep far from me. My wish is endless. I wish everyday can be beautiful, that will be enough.

I think this is what I can do to release my stress.

Thank you, my friends. You guys brighten up my day. My heart now is full of warmth.

Let’s cherish what we have now. Cheers~

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